I’ve been rough sleeping on and off for many years. I have worked, I had a great job, I loved my job but even whilst employed I was struggling with my mental health but I hid it at work and many of my colleagues never knew about it. I believed I was coping when clearly I wasn’t. 

I started smoking weed to help me chill out and forget about the worries I had, it helped me sleep, made me detach from my mind and just be. It worked for a while but I found myself looking for other ways too not feel anymore. I went to my GP, he prescribed me sleeping tablets and gave me some leaflets for online therapies. I told him I’d seek help and support and I just needed to sleep and my mind would clear again. The tablets helped but I was struggling to get up for work, was coming to work late, wasn’t hitting my targets or being a team player. I went back to the GP and got myself signed off, diagnosed with anxiety and depression I was prescribed anti-depressants and returned home to a flat that I didn’t want to be alone in. 

Weeks turned into months and one day I got up and I walked away from my flat and my life. I disengaged from family, lost my job and quickly my depression worsened, I started drinking to numb the noise in my head, I started hanging round with others who rough slept and was introduced to harder drugs. It felt good to feel nothing, the mornings after were always the worst. Waking up after a session is utterly painful, you don’t know where you are or even who you are and before you know it you are out trying to score again, this cycle continued day in, day out. I started stealing to eat, stealing to pay for the drugs and alcohol I needed, it happened quickly this way of life and I felt that there was no help for me. I honestly got to a stage where I could see no way out and I tried to end my life.

The hospital got in contact with York Road Project, a homeless charity in Woking where I could get a bed and support to try to stay off the streets. The staff were kind and knowledgeable and did not judge me. They supported me to claim benefits and referred me to mental health services to get support around my struggles. This was no easy feat as being an ‘addict’ I was told I needed to address my drug and alcohol issues first before I could be supported with my mental health. My addiction began because I could not cope with my thoughts, I could not cope with life and I found solace in my addictions. 

I left YRP as I felt that I was a burden to them and went back to the streets. They came to see me every day, bringing me hot drinks and food and offering me a bed again and again. I kept refusing, I wasn’t ready. YRP were helping me but I felt rejected by the services I needed the most and scared to really address my addictions. What if I failed? What if I relapsed? Their drug worker from YRP assured me that things would get better and offered to support me with accessing I-Access to address my drug use. They walked me to the clinic, sat with me through the assessment and advocated and comforted me when I broke down. I was started on a script and encouraged to go to groups. I met people like me, normal people who had lost their way and it was good to talk, to be listened too without judgement and it helped me believe that maybe I did have a future.

I went back to YRP and they gave me a bed, they got me clean clothes and food. I started to engage in my support plans, small steps. Making appointments at my GP’s, engaging in workshops around wellbeing, healthy eating and discussing my housing options. I am still here at YRP. I moved from the temporary night shelter into their longer-term accommodation. I have good days and bad. I have been referred back to the mental health services and I am waiting for my assessment. I engage and chat with staff daily. Its small steps but I know I can recover. 

I called my family the other day with the support of my worker here and it was the first time I had spoken to them in many months. They told me they loved me and they believed in me. My future is in my hands and I am ready to give it my all.

Anon

York Road Project is a registered charity in England and Wales #1162835 at 1 York Road, Woking GU22 7XH. Registered to the fundraising regulator and ICO. Licensed charity street collector in areas across Woking, Surrey. *Text to donate services provided by Donr. Texts are charged a standard rate plus the selected donation amount. To stop any monthly text giving, simply text: STOP to 70085.
Log in | Powered by White Fuse